It has been a while since my last post...almost nine months to be exact. Kinda like being pregnant, but not. I have definitely been growing something during this time, and it feels like my creative womb is ready to birth it.
I hope all is well in your world, and that you have been able to maximize any shifts that may have occurred in your life for your highest good. I don't know about you, but I feel a sense of ease these days as we move out from under the heaviness of 2020 and 2021.
Speaking of which, what's dating been looking like for you these days? Now that the world is opening back up, how will you approach getting back out there, if you haven't already been doing that?
How exactly are you showing up on the dating scene? Most importantly, what are your beliefs and assumptions about yourself as it relates to your intentions for meeting a significant partner? Is it about the attention or do you want more? What will you accept in the name of dating someone?
So let's talk about breadcrumbing.
Ubrandictionary.com defines breadcrumbing as when the “crush” has no intentions of taking things further, but they like the attention. So they flirt here or there, send dm/texts just to keep the person interested, knowing damn well they’re staying single.
Why on earth would anyone want that? Before you judge, keep reading.
Breadcrumbing is when someone keeps you on the hook, but they have no real intention of anything more with you.
They enjoy flirting with you and hooking up with you. They want to maintain that non-committal status without anything more.
And with just bare minimum effort, they give you bits of crumbs, little indications here and there that they are interested in you just enough to keep you on the hook.
In real life, this looks like someone who just does everything they can to make you feel wanted, but not too wanted.
And that is very intentional.
Of course they want to keep you interested, but they don't want you 100% because then they would have to deal with that, i.e., invest more than they are willing to.
They want to deal with you on their own schedule, and on their own terms.
They want you eager for more because that's the power dynamic that serves them, and so they intentionally keep things unsure, uneven and inconsistent.
They will go from no planning and no communication to all of a sudden, really wanting to make plans and hang out.
Someone who breadcrumbs is intentionally manipulating you for their own gain, because they want fun. They want something that really only serves them. They want you on their own terms and nothing more. They give you just enough to keep you on the hook.
And the reality is it works.
This really works but it's not because you're a sucker or you're naïve. It's not that it works because no one is immune to wanting to see something progress forward and become more. Those little breadcrumbs they give you fuels that natural human desire.
So what do we do with this insight?
Well, for starters, there should be no creating a negative story or wallowing from it. There should be no telling yourself or telling someone else that everything is messed up, that no one is honest. There should be no saying our generation has ruined dating, and that millennials have brought about the death of everything, and dating apps have ruined romance.
A story like that does nothing. Repeating a story like that does nothing more than put you in a negative headspace and freezes you in time. It makes you overthink dating and what IS possible.
The appropriate response is never to focus on them, but rather to focus on yourself. Get serious about yourself first and foremost.
There is no time to complain about dating. There is no time to say no one is serious. There is no time to focus on them and what they did and how they are a bad person.
There should be none of that.
Conserve your energy and say, “I deserve more than someone who would play with my feelings.” There should be no ambiguity about that belief, because you are serious and you are honest, which is why you would not do those things to someone else. You would not breadcrumb someone else, and you deserve someone who is the same.
And you better believe that those people exist, because they do.
So do not give more of your energy to the crap you have already been through. You have already experienced all you need to in order to make better decisions when it comes to your time, effort, and energy. So now you need to compare your intentions with theirs, and just be done with what you see.
Just be done.