Updated: Sep 21, 2021
The fact that you are reading this is a blessing given the current state of our world. The COVID pandemic definitely brought us to our knees. It disrupted pretty much every area of our lives.
And just when it felt like we had a handle on things in terms of adjusting to the shift, here comes another wave of a possible total shutdown.
Kind of sounds like a relationship with its ups and downs, doesn’t it? One minute you think you are in a good groove with your partner, and then BAM! something sends it in the opposite direction without warning.
What do you do?
Avoid it or address it full on?
Of course the optimal answer would be to address it full on, but how many of us can honestly say we do that without the other person involved prompting us? In essence, when we feel the shift occurring in our relationship based on how we’re feeling individually, how many of us address those feelings rather than avoid them and try to wish the feeling away?
Feelings are data. They clue us in to something not being in alignment with who we are at our core. Feelings are not wrong. And we all have our own.
Hold that thought.
Some of us at our core resonate with peace, while others resonate with chaos. And you will never know which one another person resonates with until the opposite occurs.
For example, while I resonate with peace, it is my nature to transmute chaos into peace independent of someone else…but there are levels to it. The more a situation requires me to be emotional, I have had a tendency to become avoidant.
Now, that’s real talk.
And the only reason I know this is because it was reflected back to me in a relationship with a man whom I love dearly to this day. He was my mirror of being emotionally unavailable.
This divine nugget of self-awareness was served to me right before March 2020, the onset of the COVID pandemic. I had no excuse to sit my ass down and dig into the shadows of my being in order to clear out what I call, the residue. The world was shifting before my eyes, which meant zero distractions – gym, social events, visits with friends, traveling – to keep me from doing more deep internal work so that I could be more of the person who I was manifesting into my life for romantic partnership. (Prior to this, I went to therapy for almost two years back in 2012 while I was going through a divorce, and then another round for six months in 2018 after my father passed away.)
I believe people come into our lives for a number of reasons, one being to teach us something about ourselves. A true gift if we allow it and receive it. And that is not always an easy thing to do, taking a hard, honest look at ourselves.
Let me be clear. Looking at yourself in the mirror does not mean to be judgmental of where you are currently as a result of the choices you have made. That kind of mindset just fuels the already negative energy you have in momentum.
To judge is to say, “There is something wrong with me/them.” No. Never take that stance when it comes to you or anyone else for that matter. See yourself and others through the lens of love only. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. All ways, always.
But here's the million-dollar question though:
Why is it so much easier to be that way to others and not ourselves first?
That seems counterproductive, don’t you think? It’s giving from an empty cup. As if saying to someone, “I love you. Here’s my cup of me not loving myself.” I don’t know about you, but that sounds to me like a cup of malnourishment. I will kindly decline that cup, while I sip from my full cup of love over here.
And that’s where the bliss is. In the midst of sorting through your chaos, being able to create, sustain, maintain, and receive your own cup of love. It is the only way for that same kind of love to show up in your life.
Not quite sure how to give that to yourself? Start with your thoughts. There are experts out there who say that our emotions trigger our thoughts which create belief patterns that are solidified by our behavior. Talk about a chain reaction! So if you don’t catch yourself at the onset of the emotion, there’s still an opportunity for you to catch it at the thought-level.
In a nutshell, you have ultimate control over the private heaven or hell you are constantly creating for yourself throughout your every waking moment! Your mama or daddy can’t do that for you. Your man or woman can’t do that for you. Your boss can’t do that for you. Your children, friends, aunties and them can’t do that for you. At some point, you must be intentional about the emotions, thoughts and beliefs that led to your behavior. Own it.
What kind and loving thoughts can you begin to tell yourself today, in this moment, that have absolutely nothing to do with anyone else? I know a few. They’re actually what I tell myself all the time.
I love you.
You are amazing.
You are love.
You are good enough as is.
I forgive you for the choices you have made.
Everything is working in your favor, even the stuff that looks pretty crappy right now.
Until next time.